E P I P H A N Y .

That's what I just had as I was browsing through my solo shots of my most recent photo shoot with a dear friend and fellow fashion blogger, Miguel of miguelraphael.com. 

Through our hangouts and discussions, we chat about what our goals and dreams are for our fashion blogs, but recently we've also constantly been going back to our intentions. Why? Why did we start this blog in the first place, and why continue it? What's the point? 

Miguel found a great method of using mind maps to help him figure out how fashion blogging fits into his life and its importance for him. However, I was still struggling on figuring out why I've continued to do this for almost three years now. Until just a few minutes ago, as I was going through images of me, from the last photo shoot I had with Miguel (which will be a blog post very soon)!

I have always had thoughts in the back of my mind, why blog, and why are you still doing this? what are you getting out of this activity that isn't related to your potential future career? And especially recently since I befriended Miguel, have I gone back to my intentions and thought more seriously of the why. And because of the several reasons that I've started with since the inception of Unconventional Bliss and some reasons that I've only realized were important and meaningful to me now: {warning: long post ahead; you've been warned}.

Loving Love

Today was an emotional roller coaster. Not for me personally, but I witnessed all my loved ones at various stages in their lives. From high up and cheerful, giving me warmth and love inside to just see them smile, to the lows and making me want to scoop out all my love for them and show them they truly are appreciated and important and valuable and precious and loved and important. All these small interactions with the people I love, impacted me so greatly today. They all got me thinking in different directions, feeling a range of emotions, and wanting to do things for them, but not sure how. I want to be in all places at once, but know that I cannot and I just settle for staying in my comfort zone. But no, there is something bubbling up inside me, and I want to make sure I start showing my appreciation for those I love, even if it is in my own small way. Love and appreciation can go a long way. So forcing out a smile, even if I'm tired, giving out hugs, even if I'm in a daze with my life, or just sending a text to check up on people can make all the difference. Make the effort. Spread the love.

Side Thoughts

Structural racism. Silent movies. White privilege. Gender roles in abuse. Never have I ever really felt so engaged in discussion than today in film studies. It would have been great to be personally involved by contributing (and I almost did contribute how the ridiculously over-the-top facial expressions of the actors in "Broken Blossoms"was to compensate for the lack of dialogue and easily convey to the audience what was going on. But I always dwell on my potential contribution, trying to perfect it so I kind of know what I am talking about, but when I finally pick up the courage to almost raise my hand, the moment has passed and we are on the next topic. Soon I will be able to get better at this, but for now, listening is what I am best at, and listen I must).

Anyway, the great questions and comments, and back and forth between the students was how a discussion section ought to be for every class, but I guess I'm just fortunate that the group of students I am with, truly care for the subject. And I absolutely love my TA for his radical opinions, open-minded perspective, social/political correctness, crazy hair, and readiness to admit his white privilege and mistakes. Week 4 of the quarter, and already I am bombarded with projects, assignments, papers, preparation for Pilipino Culture Night, and critical analysis of the world around me. As always, I continue to appreciate and truly love my privilege to learn, and not just learn, but learning what truly interests me. 

Let the Battle Begin

Last day of lectures, three finals, one essay, and one week is in between me and spring break sweetness. Let the battle begin. And if you see me around, don't be alarmed by my face. My eye bags naturally droop that low. For those who are battling their own fights, whether academic, emotional, physical, or spiritual, I wish you all the best of luck and good vibes.

Blessings

Today is just a day full of wonderful, much-needed surprises. First time winning anything ever (more on that next week), enjoying the sunny weather, having downtime to work on my paper, chatting it up with a classmate, bumping into a wonderful friend during passing period, and getting one of the few full score for my extra credit assignment. Yes, today was full of blessings in disguise, although small, still brightened up my day.

Self-Expression

Never have I found the importance of self-importance to be so relevant in my life until these past couple of months. And how I crave more opportunities and media to do so. Oh, how it fills my soul and brings me indescribable joy to express myself when no words can. How blessed I am for these opportunities.

Live as If You'll Die Tomorrow

My Communication professor told a profound story that struck a chord with me. She described how her father was an aerospace engineer and worked at his job passionately for years, until he got laid off. And never recovered. With the struggles of taking care of his Multiple Sclerosis-stricken wife and four children, he slowly declined from the "happy go lucky" old person archetype to the "grumpy, curmudgeon" old person archetype.

When my professor's mother had already passed away and her father was about 90 years old, she had a shocking revelation when her father stated, as he sat across the table from her, "My life was not exciting. I didn't get to do what I wanted. I didn't feel like I progressed in my career and I didn't want kids." -But I was his favorite child, mentioned our professor-

But the fact that her father did not get to live the life he wanted and died two months later, not happy with the time he spent on this earth, was absolutely sad, depressing, and appalling to hear. This motivated my professor to live her life, because she didn't want to be near death and not having a full life. And I wouldn't want to have such a sad ending either.

Ever since attending college, I have been constantly growing, maturing, and learning (from professors, peers, family, and myself). I have realized that I want to stop adhering to the routine, boring, terrible ways of the traditional high school institution, and take advantage of my privilege in attending a great college, by independently choosing the classes I want to take. The more classes I have been choosing for myself and get excited about, I learn so much from. The experiences and chances I have taken while in college, I have come to know that they have made my college experience that much better. '

I learned that my time is precious and that I should not waste it on classes I have no passion or drive for, that I should not be afraid to dress, act, or speak the way I want to just because I am afraid of being judged by society or even my peers, and that I should continue taking chances or trying new things to just be able to say "I did it". No regrets. After hearing this story, I am even more motivated to follow my professor's advice: "I live as if I will die tomorrow. When I find myself saying no, I can't do this, too many times in a row, I know something has got to change."

Wow do I learn incredible life lessons from upper div Communication. Thank you higher education.
(Note: This was supposed to be a one sentence post. Whoops, I got carried away).

Altering the Time Space Continuum

Just last week, I was roaming my college's website on potential double majors. I've been working towards double majoring in Communication, alongside my declared major of Design, but didn't know exactly where I was going with it or what I wanted to do with it. I only decided to work on a double major while I haven't been able to get into my impacted design classes, and to explore another field that could potentially interest me.

Granted, the classes I have taken since the end of last year were quite interesting and I do find they have enhanced my knowledge and expanded my world views. However, I just did not truly feel satisfied or content. Well truthfully, I was probably just content, but not excited and passionate about what I was studying. I wanted more.

Since the end of last year, and throughout the beginning of this school year, I have been contemplating a variety of combinations of double majors with this minor, and double majors with that minor, and one major with this minor…and the list goes on. These have included courses in Asian American Studies, Textile and Clothing, Film Studies, and the previously-stated Communication major.

Just last week, as I was perusing the Film Studies curriculum online for the umpteenth time, I noticed a unique sounding major that I recognized seeing before when I considered Film Studies. So I decided to just click on it to see what it was all about. It couldn't hurt. And amazing how the most minute, micro decisions can alter a life (or so I'd like to think).

The course descriptions of the classes offered for this major were so enticing and alluring; I wondered where this major was all my life and why it was hiding from me and the rest of the world. It was definitely not as talked about as my currently declared major of Design. From that first night of discovery and realization, I knew I had to get out of my slump and start taking those classes right away. The new skill set I will attain will be incredibly valuable to pair with what I learn from my Design major. And once my registration time comes in just a few weeks, I will be on my way to something possibly amazing (or at least exciting for me).

Here I come Technocultural Studies. Be ready for me (am I even ready for it???)

Food for Thought

"Living for the weekend. Isn't that a terrible way to live?" - V. Hamilton

Yesterday: My first class of the quarter, I already gained such insightful advice. My Communication professor advised us that we should not have to dejectedly go about our work throughout the week and only live for the weekends, to then just go back to such mediocre or belittling jobs and grow jaded during the week. She urged us, pleading us, to make sure that we all find jobs we are passionate about and love. This strengthened me in my choice of study. Professors like her, who encourage passion over income amount, have helped me immensely in feeling confident, excited, and proud in choosing a major I can genuinely say I am passionate about learning.

Also, it is called a "Communication" major. No "s" at the end.

What Ifs

What Ifs.

The question that troubles everyone, no matter their age, size, ethnicity, religion, or sexual orientation.

Why must we have all these completely viable options and possibilities, that we create in our own imaginations, when we can actually make them occur in real life?

Because of fear.

Anxiety.

Social norms.

Self-esteem.

Pride.

But what if.

What if these seemingly huge obstacles, which are in fact petty and cause later regret, prevent us from what we actually deserve?

Maybe.

Maybe you are keeping yourself from that job promotion you've worked so hard for.

Maybe you are restraining yourself from obtaining that lead part in the school play.

Maybe you are not realizing your talent as a writer.

Maybe you are keeping yourself from what could possibly be the love of your life.

Maybe,

Just maybe,

You are not realizing your true potential,

Your own self worth.

So get rid of the maybes and the what ifs.

Take the plunge and dive right in to what could possibly be

Your exciting career you have absolute passion for,

Your start to a successful acting career,

Your calling as a creative writer,

Or

The one you will spend the rest of your life with. 

Stop with the "what ifs", 

And start with the "what nexts".

Where I Should Be

The last day of my Sustainable Design class, I hear the excited chattering of students and see my professor hugging other colleagues from the Design Department. For some reason, I was hit with a realization I only felt a few other moments last year. At that moment, as I was sitting among my classmates, I knew. I just knew. 

This is my passion.
This is what I want to devote my life to. 
This is who I want to surround myself with.

THIS is where I should be. 

Substance

Beauty. Fashion. Style. Popularity.
Judgement. Favoritism. Hierarchy.
Self-hatred. Insecurity. Depression.

*****

I just realized, as I was sitting inside a classroom building before class started, obediently studying for my last History of Interior Architecture quiz of the quarter, that I want to write.

I want to add substance to this blog.

Yes, my initial goal of this blog was to challenge myself in terms of fashion. However, my higher education and past experiences has made this fire to bubble up inside of me that I need to get out into the real world. I don't want to only share my passion for style, but also the thoughts and knowledge I continue to learn in college and from life itself.

I have always wanted to share my inner thoughts about controversial, important, taboo topics, but always felt hindered by these social standards I felt I had to adhere to. However, I cannot be silenced anymore. This fire has escaped me and hopefully will illuminate and shed some light on certain topics I find need to be discussed. Just some of the many things I have this need to write about:

1. Disgusting ideals of beauty that society has created, and in turn, harming the youth

2. Double standards 

3. Young womyn should not be the only ones expected to be chaste in relationships. Young men should watch themselves and have restraint. Making a baby is a two way street. 

4. Pursuing passions vs. pursuing your parents' passions

5. Future in the arts: is it stable or stupid?

6. Finding yourself

Alright. That should be enough to get off my chest until finals are over next week (or unless something gets me riled up that I must post before or during finals). 

Until the next post, I hope you find your own unconventional bliss.